I have been working lately at changing my body image.
No, I am not changing how my body looks. Well...I am, but that's because I am pregnant and by body is growing and changing on it's own.
But more and more I am focusing on mentally accepting my body for what it is and appreciating its beauty. Moving beyond what the media says is "ideal" and appreciating my own normal.
Of course, this doesn't mean that I want to throw caution to the wind, eat everything I desire and sit on the couch watching my favorite shows. For me, part of my love of my body has come from knowing that I am treating it right - making healthful choices and staying active. If I know that I am taking care of my body, I feel more at ease with the shape that it gives me.
Part of the reason that I have been working on changing my mental "ideal" is for me. I want to be happy "Being Sara." But another, bigger reason that I want to accept myself is that I want to teach my children that there are many types of beauty - and that's okay. Most of all, I want them to have a mother who is confident in the way that she looks and feels about herself. I am hoping that in the long run, I can set an example and help them build their own confidence.
A few days ago, I posted on my personal Facebook something that my son said to me. I was bending over to pick up a few toys and he stated, "Mom, having a baby suuuuuure makes your bum big."
It was a cute little anecdote from my kiddo that points out the honesty of children. I really thought it was quite amusing.
However, what I didn't post was my response. I straightened up, turned, looked at him, and smiled. I said, "You're right, it does! Look at how big and soft and squishy it's becoming." At this point I actually squeezed my bum. "It's going to be so soft and comfy for the baby when it comes out. Isn't it beautiful?"
My son nodded and smiled and then innocently asked, "Can I feel how squishy it is?"
"Sure!" I let him squeeze it a few times and he giggled. It WAS kind of silly, but I think it made a good point. "Don't you think the baby will like that?" I asked.
He once again nodded vigorously.
"Yup, daddy likes mommy's bum too. He thinks it's big and soft and beautiful. Right daddy?"
At which point my husband chimed in that he absolutely loved my bum.
I'll admit, a few years ago I don't think I would have responded this way. It probably would have hurt my feelings and I would have told my son that it wasn't a kind thing to say. But this isn't the first conversation that my son and I have had about bodies and sizes. In this last year I have been much more generous about myself when we discuss bodies and I must say, I like the new approach so much better. It not only helps my child have a healthier understanding of bodies, but it helps me feel better about my own in the process.
I have seen this approach pay off in little ways. Not long ago, my husband was getting ready to go out walking. "Why are you going for a walk?" my son asked.
"Because I'm fat," my husband responded.
My son frowned, "Fat's not a nice word, daddy. You are big and soft and beautiful."
I was so proud of him at that moment! I can only hope that the things we discuss now will stick with both him and my daughter throughout the years. I hope that I can even provide a least a tiny bit of a buffer for them through life when the world will often tell them that only one type of beautiful is acceptable. And I hope to continue working with myself on my own acceptance.
Today I challenge you. Sometime this week I want you to look in the mirror at yourself. Really look. Notice the gentle shapes, the curves, the angles. I want you to find 3 things that you find beautiful. Then I want you to go further. Find 2 more things - things that you hadn't really thought of as beautiful before - and try to find their own unique beauty. Perhaps it's a bum that's big and soft and squishy. Maybe it's the gentle curve of your shoulder or the smoothness of your back. Or it could even be the excess flab on your tummy, full of stretchmarks, that speaks of babies being grown and cared for.
Have you every really noticed how amazing your body is?
Because it is.
It is remarkable and beautiful all in its own way.
YOU are beautiful.
